![]() Some people describe themselves as serial monogamists. I suppose that could apply to me. When I fall in love, I fall hard and by the time I come up for air, the water's deep and I'm usually in over my head. By the way, did I mention I can't swim? After multiple marriages and repeated cycles of divorce drama, I came to the realization that I am the only one on this planet who will never leave me nor forsake me. Judith Viorst, in her book Necessary Losses, promoted the idea that the first half of life is about acquisition and the second half is about letting go. In my twenties I acquired 2 husbands and 3 children. In my forties I managed to find two more husbands and experience the joy of blended families. All I ever wanted was a 50th wedding anniversary like my parents had. Please understand that I did not want their patriarchal marriage, I just wanted the accolades of making it together that long. Do you think in church when they ask who has been married longest, they're looking for 'to one person' or a cumulative total? Shit - even combined I can only lay claim to 37 years of marital conjugation. Now if we were talking about married in the biblical sense, I could probably make it work. My timing was always a little off. I married too soon and stayed too long. Every time. Every woman I have interviewed about the divorce experience affirms one thing: We know in our deepest soul when it is time to let go. The problem is, we rarely follow our heart the first time we know for sure this isn't working. Here’s a tip I stumbled on that I wish every woman with diamond wedding rings knew about. There is a website out there that is not a scam to help women like me resell fine jewelry (and no, I don’t get a spiff for recommending them). www.worthy.com was respectful, honest and prompt in dealings and delivery of services before, during and after the sale. Start to finish it took only eight days and funded my travel for the rest of the year. It was a win-win. My last step was to repurpose the smaller diamonds by gifting them to be reset for loved ones. In fact, I got rid of every gift of jewelry from every previous love of my lifetime in order to start fresh. This week I bought myself the beautiful ring you see above and repeated the vows I have so faithfully taken in times past. Only this time, I am the object of my affection. With this ring, I Me Wed. And I vow to give myself all the love, attention, pleasure, compassion and acceptance I have cheerfully bestowed on the husbands and children who have had the pleasure of my company. Why? Because I'm worth it. And so are you. What advice would you give a friend who is in the process of moving on after a divorce? Do you wish you had done it sooner? Please join the conversation.
13 Comments
Maggie McLeod
7/30/2018 10:09:09 pm
Beautiful!
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Gail
7/31/2018 03:33:32 am
I wish I had never married at all. But I did twice. And both times I wish I had ended it years earlier.
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Kim
7/31/2018 09:34:23 am
Lesson(s) learned!
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Judy
7/31/2018 06:04:34 am
AWESOME ! We have to love ourselves before we can love another, and we have to re-find ourselves after the loss of a key relationship. Love the ring and the vow. Love you .
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Kim
7/31/2018 09:35:27 am
Thank you my friend!
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Barbara
8/1/2018 10:14:28 am
Love it!!!
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Kim
8/1/2018 02:48:14 pm
Joyfully divorced - now there’s something to celebrate!
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Lauren
10/6/2018 12:31:48 pm
Awesome, on target, yep. We have to love ourselves first. Not to good at that right now.
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Mari
10/30/2018 10:34:32 pm
I have travelled a path similar to yours Kim... I started my marriages journey at the tender age of 14..nope, not knocked up..puppy first love, and of course, from a dysfunctional family.. one beautiful daughter, nice guy, just too young...lasted 5 yrs , #2,... lasted 5 yrs., another nice man, but a nice alcoholic...and 2 more beautiful children...single for 5 yrs, remarried, combined 3 children each, and 12 yrs later we had a Son...Sadly, it did not last, and I put up with much verbal, financial, and emotional abuse ....I tried too hard, for too long, just to avoid disrupting my children’s lives, and afraid of another failure...lots of therapy over the yrs...forever in pursuit of my happily ever after... I worked 2 jobs often, am an educated, intelligent woman, but I believe the stigma of multiple divorces, which I believe men are not as harshly subjected to...did a lot of emotional damage...I too, am now in the process of selling off what jewelry I acquired..to fund my own new beginning...I still believe in happily ever after..it will take a very special, very patient man , to convince me to trust again...Ce la vie💆♀️
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Mari, my heart goes out to you. "I tried too hard, for too long...afraid of another failure" is a common theme I hear from many women. It is my story as well. There is something especially freeing about dropping the 'rocks' of the past to fund cruise tickets to your future!
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